


Always Him

by Sandyheart



Category: The Young Elites Series - Marie Lu
Genre: AU, Angst, BoyxBoy, Enzo's POV, Head-Canon, Heavy Implications, Implied Feelings, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Mixed feelings, One-Shot, Possible OOC-ness, Raffenzo, Realization, Repitition, Sad Ending, Scene Rewrite, Slight canon, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, Yaoi, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:43:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5957503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandyheart/pseuds/Sandyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind me, Gemma lets out a choked sob, reaching the realization the minute that I do. </p><p>We'd all agreed to these decisions when we'd formed and joined the society. <em>Should you be caught, you will not be saved, not if it’s at a cost to our ultimate goal.</em> For me to be king. </p><p>But even that is tiny, in the grand scheme of my mind at the moment. </p><p>Because this is him. <em>And it's always been him.</em></p><p> </p><p>  <strong>----</strong></p><p> <br/><em>Enzo's thoughts on what exactly happened when The Daggers found out that Raffaele had been captured, with a Raffenzo twist.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my first Fanfiction! 
> 
> Well, I mean... it's a one-shot, so it's not _that_ much of an achievement, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
> 
> Wrote this after finding out that I'm not alone in the Raffenzo world... Shout out to those of you who ship these two just as much as do, my Ship Buddies. xD
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! (And get ready to hit the feels train~) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do _not_ own The Young Elites, nor do I own any of its plot, setting, or characters. _That goes to Mrs. Marie Lu!_ I _do,_ however, own this little Fanfiction, and all the little additions I added into writing it. Thank you!
> 
> [Written 2/6/16]

First there was Daphne. With her pretty midnight black hair, and her pale olive skin, it certainly wasn't a surprise that she was the first I'd ever fallen for. To be beautiful inside and out, that had always been what I'd liked most.

She wasn't a _malfetto_ , her beauty ensuring it, but she'd honored _malfettos_ , and maybe that was what had drawn me to her in the first place. The apothecary apprentice with the pretty face and an even prettier heart.

It broke me when she died.

Afterward, Raffaele tells me that I was different. I was aware of that, of course, but being told out loud made it all the more real.

I always found it odd that he had been the one to tell me, yet at the same time, before and after, he had treated me exactly the same. Unlike everyone else.

Next there was Adelina. Were we ever truly considered together? The few kisses we exchanged had certainly felt real, a flame burning brightly in between us as we did.

But then again, maybe it was her beauty that drew me in the first place. Adelina, beautiful in her own right, was startlingly similar to Daphne, yet at the same time there was a stark contrast.

Adelina, with her silver-white hair, and her one missing eye, was a mess of insecurities and _malfetto_ scars when I'd first met her. She had a dark past, just as all _malfettos_  and Elites did, and had survived it long enough to make it to me. Me and my Daggers.

It was the first mission right in front of the Inquisition Axis that we'd ever had, stealing her right in front of their eyes.

She was a Tamouran girl as well, her olive complexion identical to that of Daphne's. Physical beauty is really where the similarities end.

Adelina was never as pure and good-hearted as Daphne. But you can never expect one to be, not if they're a _malfetto_.

Raffaele advised me to kill her, as soon as she aligned with Amber and Nightstone, with Formidite and Caldora, and with fear and fury.  I'd refused.

I told myself the reason was to not waste her potential, I could already tell that she was to be powerful, but the real, hidden reason hadn't to do with any of that. It had to do with the fact that she resembled Daphne, and a part of me was never really willing to let go of Daphne. Because she was _Daphne_ , my first love.

And then there's Raffaele, who, by all rights, was my first real friend.

And as I stand there, my hands clenched into tight fists, that thought come backs to me.

Because Teren never counted, not really.

Because you never really forget the first person you ever truly love.

* * *

His lips are set in a grim line, eyes lowered even as Teren forces his head up. The sword presses onto his throat just enough to not penetrate the soft skin of his throat.

Raffaele is perfectly still as he kneels before Teren, but I, and possibly _only_ me, see the fear in his eyes. And behind that acceptance. He knows, or perhaps wants, us, _me_ , not to save him. Because if we did, then it could end our whole mission.

But this is Raffaele. And my minds whirs at the speed of light as I try to think of a way out.

But even then, I know there's nothing I can do. Behind me, Gemma lets out a choked sob, reaching the realization the minute that I do.

We'd all agreed to these decisions when we'd formed and joined the society. _Should you be caught, you will not be saved, not if it's at a cost to our ultimate goal_. For me to be king.

But even that is tiny, in the grand scheme of my mind at the moment.

Because I'm expected to forget him after this, that's what the choice to join was. And I can see from his attempt at showing a brave face that he'd come to terms with this the minute he'd come face to face with Teren.

But even as I come to realize that, I can't help but fight the thought. Because I know that I will, no, _can_ never forget.

Because this is him. _And it's always been him._

* * *

I first met Raffaele at his virgin auction. He was 17, and I was 15. I had my servant buy him for a high sum of money. I haven't regretted it since.

We've known each other for 3 years since, and he's become the closest and greatest friend I could've ever asked for.

He was with me when I met Daphne, and then when she met her final breath.

I was with him and _for_ him ever since his virgin auction. Every time he needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, that would be me.

We're close. It's why he's my advisor and he's why the Dagger Society stays afloat.

But the reason I can't, _I won't,_ let him go, has to do with something so much deeper than that.

He's important. Important and _so much more_. And I won't lose him.

* * *

I hear the shouts the minute the sounds erupt.

Stepping outside after quickly pulling on my robe and mask, I'm horrified at the sight I find. _Malfettos_ all over Estenzia are being pulled from homes and businesses, kicked and burned and _hurt_ as they're ushered to some kind of location.

_What is happening?_

The scene sends me racing to the roofs, and in my haste to shield myself and get a better view, I forget the worry that had plagued me just minutes before.

The city of Estenzia is in absolute chaos, as Inquisitors ravage every house, seeking out _malfettos_ and forcefully taking them away from their homes.

I'm too shocked to try to find a way to help them. But then again, what could I do? The Daggers may be powerful, but to steal away every _malfetto_ in the city and somehow hide them all under the Inquisitor's nose? Well, Magiano, an Elite like us, may have given birth to the word _magic_ , but we certainly were not magic workers.

Belatedly I realize that in my shocked musings, three more people have joined me on the roofs. Gemma, Lucent, and Michel stand in a line behind me, and I spare a glance to find three looks of identical horror on their faces.

"The King is dead," Lucent is the first to speak, her voice sounding as shocked as she probably felt as she portrayed the news to me.

Faster than any of them can blink, I whirl around. Where before I had kept my eyes on the carnage below, refusing to meet their eyes, I am now face to face with my Daggers, my voice incredulous as I cry, " _What?_ "

"The King is dead," Lucent repeats, firmly this time, showing no fear of me or any of the Elites in this roof. The trust in her eyes manages to calm me down. "They don't know what exactly caused it, but the rumor is sickness. I think we all know that _that_ was not it."

I nod slowly, at the same time Gemma speaks up in a quiet voice, "So you think your sister killed the King?"

She's addressing me, and I turn to her with a firm nod, "I'm certain she did. Maybe even with the help of Teren."

"But why?" Michel speaks this time, his voice laced with confusion.

I find myself shrugging, and then turn away, once again beginning to watch what was happening below. "Who knows..." I say offhandedly, and then zero my eyes into something I see in the midst of the crowds.

Everybody is gathered up in the main square, prepped to watch an announcement happen. Most likely the announcement of the King's death. The crowd is buzzing, anxious and fearful of what's to come. They don't know what to expect. And neither do I.

I focus on the corner of the square, where I see a flash of red movement.

There is Adelina, her hair and face covered in a red hood and silver mask, clutching onto the hand of another girl, dragging her in deeper into the shadows. I can't get a good look of the girl she has with her, and a flash of silk black hair is all I can see. I narrow my eyes slightly at the sight. It is the same shade of hair color that Daphne had. _What are you doing, my White Wolf?_

Adelina ignores our presence on the roofs, (probably because she doesn't know we're here) and squeezes her and the other girl deeper into the shadows, both set of eyes faced away from where I stand and towards a balcony on the palace. The balcony of the head Inquisitor.

I rest my eyes on the balcony as well, and not a second later do I see a flash of movement.

Teren steps onto the balcony clothed in an Inquisitor's white armor, gold and silver is engraved in it, the sign of his title as Lead, and a long flowing gold cape trails behind him as he walks to the railing of the balcony.

"Citizens of Estenzia," he begins, addressing the crowd in greeting, but at that point I've already zoned out, my eyes focused on something else.

A gasp escapes my mouth the minute I see. Behind Teren, flanked by two Inquisitor's is a boy. Bruises cover the boy's body, the little clothes the boy has in tatters, and the sight of him immediately shatters my heart. Because it's not just any boy. It's Raffaele.

* * *

If it were someone else who had been found, who had been taken by Teren and who now had a sword to their throat, I wonder, briefly, if I would do the same thing for them.  

If Raffaele were by my side instead of another one of my Daggers, would I risk our name, our mission, our _lives?_

Maybe not.

But this isn't just another one of my Daggers. This is _Raffaele_. And the fact that I point this out is probably proof of just how much he means to me.

* * *

"It is with a heavy heart that I deliver this news." Teren says, and behind me I hear Michel snort.

 _Probably better listen to Teren than brood,_ I think, but already his voice is beginning to annoy me.

"The King is dead. In his place, Her Majesty, Queen Giulietta, will rule," He continues, "Tomorrow evening, the king's funeral will take place at the Estenzia arena. You are required to attend."

"Oh, we're going to attend alright—" Lucent growls menacingly, a gust of cool air washing over the roof, as if to empathize her point. The air helps to dissipate the hot tension in the air and we're all on edge as we wait for Teren to speak again.

"If only Giullietta were there," Gemma mutters crossly, "Then we could just kill her and have this whole thing over with."

 _If only,_ I think mournfully. But even then, I know, if she had Raffaele in the same position, I wouldn't have tried for it. Not if there was a chance something were to happen to him.

"Kneel," Teren turns to Raffaele and commands, and almost inaudibly, I growl.

Raffaele lowers himself until he's supported on one knee, lowering his head to Teren.

Teren suddenly unsheathes his sword, and I feel my heart stop as he presses the sword to Raffaele's throat. Raffaele doesn't flinch as it’s pressed, only accepts it with a raise of his head, and I'm left wondering if I should be grateful that he's not yet dead, or angry that's he's in the position in the first place.

_How was he discovered?_

"From this day forth," Teren begins again, "All _malfettos_ are banned from the city. They will be moved to the city's outskirts and separated from society."

Gemma gasps behind me, just as shock ripples through the crowd.

"Anyone who turns in defiant _malfettos_ to the Inquisition will be rewarded with gold. Anyone resisting this order, or found sheltering _malfettos_ , will be executed," Teren continues, ignoring the shouts from the crowd.

At this Teren quiets, as if enjoying the unease and outrage. He knows that he cannot and will not be stopped. This only proceeds to anger me further, and then I'm moving.

I take to the rooftops, my hood pulled tight over my head. I flick my hand forward as a sign to follow, and then we begin our climb. At the last of the roof of the Fortunata Court, I jump without a thought, certain that I would find safety.

And safety I found, when not a second after the jump, I'm caught by a gust of wind, bringing me over to the next roof, which was significantly smaller than the Fortunata Court's.

I spare a glance behind me to see if my Daggers are following me, and seeing that they were, I continue my journey. I wonder for a brief second on what the whereabouts of Dante could possibly be, but throw the thought away just as fast it had come. It didn't matter right now anyway.

I make my way over from roof to roof, and then find one easily overlooking the main square. It's tall, and along the top, statues of the gods stand tall. Perfect place to stand and remain unseen.

I slow myself to a stop and then turn around to meet my Daggers. They're just catching up to me, Lucent helping them over with a strong gust of wind as well.

I'm silent as I motion towards the tall rooftop in front of me, and Lucent answers with a powerful upward gust that drops me easily on the roof.

My Daggers follow quickly behind me, sharing a gust of wind to land beside me.

They don't question my silence as I once again focus on Teren, and behind him, Raffaele, who is rigid underneath Teren's blade at his throat.

It's then that Teren begins speaking again.

" _Malfettos_ are a scourge upon our population. They are lower than dogs. Unworthy." At this he bends down to Raffaele's level, and in one swift motion picks him up by a lock of his sapphire streaked hair, releasing him unceremoniously, and then presses the sword deeper into his throat.

Raffaele flinches as the blade presses deeper, a drop of blood forming at one end.

I try to keep my mind controlled as this happens, but all I manage to do is not simultaneously combust, my body heating up at a rapid pace as I fight to control my anger. _How dare he?_

Raffaele keeps his eyes lowered as Teren begins to speak again, taking care to not search for us, as if this were his way of telling us to let him go.

He should've known that I could never do that.

* * *

The one thing that I've always admired about Raffaele, is his ability to love.

When Raffaele loves someone, he would love them wholeheartedly, making sure to have them feel at home, to defend them, and to allow them to depend on him. But the difference between the way he loves in contrast to the way others love, is that he is always ready to let them go afterwards.

It's as if he takes the saying, _"If you love someone, let them go, and if they don't come back, then they were never yours to begin with,"_ to heart.

Raffaele, who never fails to treasure someone to the point where they don't need to be treasured anymore.

Raffaele, who sees no point in doing one thing, but will never judge someone if they were to do that same thing.

Raffaele, who will love someone quickly, and will let them go just as fast, because he sees that as just another part of love.

It's a stark contrast to how I think, and it's always been something I'd found both refreshing and admiring.

How is it not admirable to love to the point where your heart will just get broken?

I know for a fact that if he were here himself, he'd immediately tell me to abandon him and continue trying to succeed in our mission.

But he is not here. And maybe if he were here, I would listen.

But I am not him, and I cannot replace him, so it's for this reason and so much more that I _not lose him._

* * *

"People like this are a curse to our country. They are the reason why our lives are miserable. The more _malfettos_ we get rid of, the better off our country will be. The better off _you'll_ be." He says the words like some kind of inspirational speech. Then he raises his voice, calling out, "Do you see this, Reaper?"

I narrow my eyes as he blatantly calls me out. Clenching my fists tighter, I hold myself in place as he stands and waits.

Focusing my eyes instead on Raffaele, I soften at the sight of him.

He keeps his head held high, the sword pressed hazardously against his neck. His jewel-toned eyes are now faced straight ahead, careful to stay devoid of emotion.

His hair is a waterfall behind his back, the sapphire glistening in the purposeful light of the palace balcony. The bruises covering his arms and legs almost pulse under the light. Even in this position though, anyone could see that his beauty is still unparalleled, a beacon of hope in the harsh _malfetto_ times.

If Raffaele were to die today, in front of every citizen of Estenzia to spite me, he'd be known as a martyr. Certainly after I regain my crown.

But even as the thought crosses my mind, I know that I'll never accept it. He is too important for such a death. And I won't allow it.

"I know you're watching," Teren says, when he realizes that I won't come out, "I've heard this worthless boy is precious to you. So I will make you a deal. Turn yourself in. If you don't, you will see me gut this boy right here on the balcony."

Gasps escape from my companions as Teren speaks, gasps of horror and pain. Gemma quietly sniffles, as Lucent growls angrily, and Michel stays silent with shock. My Daggers don't want Raffaele to die. But I can tell as I turn to look at them that they're sure he will.

Silently, I brood at his words, relaying them in my mind. I feel a stab in my heart at the threat, and I know for a fact that Teren will follow through on it should I ignore him. Good thing I didn't plan on doing that.

The crowd is in unease as my silence continues, unsure if the famed Reaper will come to his _"Precious'"_ rescue. They watch the alleys and rooftops, hoping to catch a glimpse of either me or my Daggers, but we are well hidden. Not for long.

Taking a deep breath, I fix my hood and mask so that the two fit snugly on my head.

And then I step into the light.

* * *

At the time when I make the deal, I already have a sure idea of what will happen.

Teren will not follow through, and neither will I.

The only thing I wanted was to save Raffaele. And I was going to do it. No matter what.

Because I'm not willing to lose him, not after everything we've been through, and not after everything he's done for me.

Now it's my turn to return the favor, society or decisions be damned.

Because he means too much to me to let him go. If only I'd realized that sooner.

* * *

"Enzo?" Gemma exclaims, as soon as she sees me take a step forward. There's shock in her voice, but not anger. Nothing to tell me to stop. Tears stream down her face as she awaits my reply.

As I adjust my hood, I try to keep my tone calm, so as not to take my anger out onto my Daggers, "I'm going." My tone is final, nothing they were to say or do could stop me at that point.

"Okay then," Lucent speaks up, her tone is understanding, free of surprise, as if she'd somehow seen this coming. There's an undertone of anger, but I can tell that it's not directed at me, only at Teren, and the whole situation in itself.

"Good luck," Michel's voice is quiet, but his words are sincere. He doesn't understand why exactly I feel I have to do this, but is willing to support me either way.

I nod, in taking another shaky breath. "Thank you," I reply honestly bowing my head slightly at my three Daggers. Their trust in me warms my heart, but I know that it'll have to be hardened as soon as I take my next steps.

In the back of my mind, I know that they don't _really_ understand. They'll never really understand why I'm doing this, because the decision in the beginning told me, told us, not to. _Nothing to jeopardize our mission_ , and they know, that if it were them, _any_ of them, we wouldn't save them.

But this is Raffaele. And it's not them who's saving him, it's me, on my own free will. They will play a part, yes, but ultimately, this is me. And ultimately, it will cost _me._

I step into the light slowly, allowing the crowd and the Inquisition themselves to watch my descent. And then, as I slow to stop, I pause.

My eyes scan the crowd for half a second, focusing once on Adelina and her friend, before I raise them to meet Teren, and behind him, Raffaele.

The crowd is buzzing beneath me, whispers and shouts of my appearance spreading through them.

"Let me make _you_ a deal, Lead Inquisitor," I call out, my voice echoing throughout the square. It's cold and furious as I speak, my emotions beginning to run amok. "And let us swear it here, on the gods. I challenge you to a duel. On the morning of the king's funeral, I shall met you in open combat at the Estenzia arena. I shall fight you alone."

The words are thought up on the spot, the challenge easily escaping my mouth. I was once the Prince of Kennetra, and I knew how to spin my words. Belatedly, I realize that I have just doomed myself to a fight that I could not win, in both power and skill. Because Teren could not be hurt, and I was never the better sword fighter.

But it doesn't matter. Because ultimately, I just need to buy time. It's a messy plan, but for now, before I have time to elaborate, it will have to do.

The crowd beneath me is deathly silent, all eyes focused between me and Teren. I spare a glance to Raffaele, whose eyes are wide as they focus on me as well. He's shocked, I can tell. Unable to believe what I'm doing.

On my sides, Inquisitors are making their way onto the rooftops around me, struggling in vain to reach me. But they don't have Lucent at their side, guiding them from roof to roof, and because I do, my Daggers and I could escape in the blink of an eye, riding the  wind all the way back to the Fortunata Court.

Teren holds up a hand, as if actually considering my offer, and then the Inquisitors that were racing towards me freeze, some even beginning to turn around.

I decide to take this moment to continue, ensuring that Teren not back out on me, and that Raffaele not be hurt,  "If I win, Lead Inquisitor, then the Inquisition will release the boy you hold hostage. He will be pardoned of any wrongdoing and allowed to walk free, unharmed."

Almost inaudibly, I take in a deep breath. Many have called me brave, but nobody in the world is fearless. And least of all myself.

"If you win," I continue, allowing my words to sink in, "Then I will be dead."

The crowd is in an uproar at this, the prospect of seeing such a fight both terrifying and exhilarating in their minds. A part of them thinks that I can change things, but most of them are just hoping for a distraction. I ignore them as I wait for my answer.

Teren and I are at a standoff, both refusing to speak as he thinks my proposition through and I await his reply.

Finally, he smiles. A slow, almost creepy smile. His voice is almost giddy as he replies, "Very well, Reaper. With the gods as our witness, let us duel." And with a sweep of his robes, he turns away, his stride long and confident, so sure of himself in our coming fight to the death. Because he cannot die. And he knows it.

As he descends from the balcony, his cape the last of him before he is gone, his guards soon follow, dragging Raffaele in between them. His throat is now free of the silver blade, a small drop of blood where it had briefly penetrated, and I keep my eyes focused on him as he's forced to retreat.

 _I'm sorry_ , I think hauntingly as he goes, taking a step backward when he's nearly gone, _For getting you into this mess, for all the pain I ever put you through, for having you nearly die today, for _everything._ I'm sorry. _

And then he suddenly turns his head, half of his body is in the doorway, but he seems to ignore that fact, searching for half a second before finding and meeting my eyes.

It's as if the world stops the minute our eyes meet.

His shine as the sunlight reflects off of them, the twin gems glistening with unshed tears, filled with pain and tinted with horror and sadness, and yet, behind all of that, I see gratitude. He's grateful that I'm saving him, and at the same time, it's killing him. Because I wasn't supposed to save him. And he knew it, just as every one of my Daggers knows it.

He should be dead. But he isn't. Because of me.

I give him a small smile— confident, to show him that I don't regret doing this. He returns it with his own watery smile— his with a little more pain and a little more gratitude.

_I'm sorry, Raffaele. For everything, yes, but not for saving you. I'll never be sorry for doing that._

And when, just the next day, I take my final breath, I will think back on this moment, _the moment I traded my life for his._ And I will not regret it.

Because this is him. And he will always be worth it.

Because this is him. Not Daphne, or Adelina, or anybody else.

Because this is him. _And it will always be him._

**Author's Note:**

> Did you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it?
> 
> Did it feel sad to you? Make you feel any hardcore feels?
> 
> In case it wasn't obvious, _I did borrow the little Teren and Enzo dialogue from the actual book._ Gotta be as canon as possible, right?
> 
> Anyway, I really do hope you enjoyed this little fic... Don't forget to kudos if you did, or if you didn't, you can comment what bugged you. Constructive criticism _is,_ after all, how you get better.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Note: May be edited later, assuming I find some mistakes._


End file.
